When my doctor told me I had slightly high cholesterol, I didn’t believe her. But, thinking about lunch the past two days, I can kinda see it. Chicken fingers yesterday and pizza today. Not exactly the epitome of healthy…
In other news, today’s video features a cat hugging a kitten. Check it out. Even those of you who think cat videos are lame will love this one:
On Wednesday evening, one of the most important moments of my executive-assisting career took place. I connected Jim to a call with George Soros. Then, Jim was dropped off the call, and in order to reconnect him, I interrupted George Soros, mid-sentence. It was totally exhilarating! Executive assisting: I have arrived!
Also, please note that next week, the Beggar will be exhausted/still hung over from a wedding this weekend. And then on Thursday, heading to LAMU!
I like my lasagna how I like my men: beefy. So, I was quite satisfied with today’s lunch. I know I was just complaining about OSI Italian, but actually, I think it’s just the Italian chicken that I don’t like. I quite like both the lasagna and the eggplant parmesan. I guess I’m all chickened out for the time being. Unless it’s tikka masala, in which case, bring it on!
I would also like to take the opportunity to voice my approval for this week’s flower arrangements. The peonies are gorgeous. Makes me want to buy some for myself! I’ll be traveling for just about the next three weeks, though, so that won’t be happening any time soon. Life is tough sometimes.
For today’s video, I tried to find the clip where Liz Lemon soaks herself trying to install a new jug in the water filter (inspired by the lovely Stephanie Shieh) – but alas, 30 Rock’s copyrights foiled me. Then, I thought I’d try to find the clip where Dennis Duffy makes an appearance on “To Catch a Predator,” but no luck there, either.
Instead, this one goes out to Rebekah (it’s not gay if it’s in a three-way):
Today’s lunch was just fabulous. MYO sandwich day and 80 degree weather out on the patio. And to top it off, the lovely Ms. Zoe Brogden came up to visit us from 1700 Broadway! Nothing beats that.
Today’s video clip follows up on a conversation from Friday evening about how one does the ‘Dougie.’ Ladies and gentlemen let me this panda teach you how to Dougie:
Today’s lunch was turkey, gravy, croissants and beet salad. It was also Jamie and Jeronimo’s last Monday at the lunch table. And it’s rainy and gray outside today. A sad day for the Choosy Beggar; it was kind of a bummed out lunch. However, the beet salad – which, for some reason I had not tried before – was delicious. It’s now entering my lunch rotation.
Thoughts of tomorrow’s MYO sandwich day and my trip to Florida this weekend are already cheering me up!
This one goes out to all the Dealbreakers out there, and the ladies who date ‘em:
The vodka was flowing really at last night’s Trickle Up benefit event. A few of my fellow benefiters are still MIA, and I’m pretty sure that those who do make it in for lunch won’t have the stomach for their usual shrimp salad sandwiches. I was the responsible one last night; three drinks, and in bed by midnight! Can’t wait for that turkey and cheese!
Let’s dig into next week’s menu, shall we?
Monday
Monday’s menu defies all OSI-catering logic. Turkey and mini croissants on a Monday? Yes, I dare say it’s true. I can’t remember the last time we had turkey so early in the week. On a Wednesday? Sure. Maybe even a Tuesday. But Mondays, as Taegin recently noted, are usually reserved for more charismatic meals, like MYO fajitas, or this past week’s chicken tikka masala. I’m going to spend all Monday afternoon thinking it’s almost Friday. That’s a mean mind game.
Tuesday
MYO Sandwiches! Get there early for the fancy breads. Brioche flies off the shelves. I found a Liz Lemon clip that basically sums up my feelings about sandwich day [apologies for the poor quality of the video; all the nicer versions had advertisements.]:
Wednesday
Beef lasagna and lunguini with baby spring vegetables and toasted rosemary oil. That toasted rosemary oil sure does sound fancy. Can’t you just imagine the caterers gently toasting a few sprigs of rosemary, soaking them in the highest-quality extra virgin olive oil for months, and and then carefully tossing the oil into our al dente linguini? Neither can I.
Thursday
Chicken fingers! I approve. But no mac and cheese? Come on! Ancho and agave glazed carrots. What the…? Rosemary roasted new potatoes? I freaking hate rosemary. Stop putting it on my pasta and new potatoes!
Friday
Pizza day. But the thing that will be on all of our minds: will Elise van Oss send us that magical email letting us know we can go home at 3pm in honor of Memorial Day? That would be amazing. I can’t wait to go to Florida for Amanda not-Wetzel’s wedding!
Today’s lunch was really boring. The chicken and pasta were fine, but I just can’t get into OSI Italian anymore. It doesn’t have any spunk. But, here are a few things I can get behind:
In general, I’m sick of Stephanie Shieh’s selfish and inconsiderate attitude towards those in her cubicle area. Finally, her heart grew three sizes larger today, and she bought us all fudgsicles! Gosh, I’m going to miss her when she heads downstairs in two weeks.
I went to a training today on this new-fangled thingy-ding called “Unified Messaging Solution.” It makes it so you can click on a person in your Outlook contacts, and then hit a button saying “live reply” and your computer calls any one of their phone numbers for you. (Your phone rings, you pick it up, and then it connects you to the recipient – so you do the talking through the phone, not the computer. We’re not talking Skype here, folks. This is OSI we’re talking about…) This is going to revolutionize the way I do business. No more punching in numbers on my phone the old fashioned way. I’m coming straight into the 21st century, pushing a single button to connect a call.
Anecdote of the day:
This morning, I found out my boss, who was supposed to fly back to NYC from Kenya tonight, had come down with the flu. I emailed him to see if there was anything I could do for him. He responded, “Make my flights shorter.” That’s totally a joke, right? Right? So I emailed him back with a witty response. Sadly, it was not a joke. He seriously wanted me to “shorten” his flights… I mean, I am the world’s greatest assistant and all, but that’s a bit out of my realm.
Then, drama ensued when he showed up at the airport and the airline had mistakenly cancelled his ticket. The Emily-Darcy dream-team of assisting/travel-agenting fixed the problem in under 45 minutes, and Jim was back on his flight home. Virtual high five to my virtual BFF, Darcy!
Yesterday was Chinese salmon and dumplings. It was alright. The soup was pretty good. Remember, a few times ago, when we had carrot and ginger soup and it was really runny and a much deeper orange color than usual? Yeah, me too. I’m glad that didn’t happen this time.
Today was burger day. I was a few minutes late to the cafeteria, but was pleasantly surprised to see an abundance of pickles still remained when I arrived. Sometimes I wonder: why do I have the cravings of a pregnant woman? Pickles and cheese, cheese and pickles! And today satisfied both. Mmmmm. Then, Rebekah gave me more of her dwindling stash of taffy to get me through my afternoon sugar crash. Another craving satisfied!
I will leave you today with two clips. The fist, regarding baby cheeses:
The second, regarding fake pregnancy (“Rufus T. Barleysheeth is kicking!”):
Yesterday’s lunch was quite good. I skipped the falafel, and went straight for the trio of hummus, babaghanoush and tahini with a large pile of pita chips. The hummus has always been fine, and the tahini is pretty good. Someone needs to teach the caterers how to make babaghanoush, though. It had absolutely no flavor! Babaghanoush is supposed to be smoky and creamy, not runny and bland. The chicken was fine, and the pilaf with spinach was tasty. Although not all of my expectations were met, it was a fine meal, all in all.
Today: Chinese!I’m quite looking forward to the carrot ginger soup. It’s a rainy mess out there, and it’s cold in my cube area. I need something warm and toasty!
Yesterday’s video clip was so popular with the kids, here’s another great Liz Lemon/cheese-related clip:
It’s time to resuscitate the Choosy Beggar! I’ve got exactly three months left of free food, and I hope to make the most of it. This weeks menu provided the inspiration I needed to get back to the blog. Also, Jim is in Kenya! Let’s have a look, shall we?
Today:
Middle Eastern spiced chicken thighs, falafel, tzatziki, babaghanoush and hummus. I don’t recall ever having had babaghanoush at OSI before. Am I wrong about this? The falafel here is a certified choking hazard, if you don’t take the proper precautions. I recommend breaking it up, mixing it with hummus/tzatziki/babaghanoush and spreading it on pita. Otherwise, you had better hope that a table-mate has taken the OSI CPR class, because you might die trying to swallow a whole ball. (That’s what she said?) If you go about the falafel with caution, though, the rest of the meal sounds quite good. Delicious, even? I’d give it a three out of five stars.
Tuesday:
Tomorrow we have another pretty good meal. Teriyaki salmon and vegetable dumplings. I really like the veggie dumplings – especially with the chili and Ponzu dipping sauces. I also think that white rice with scallions is one of OSI’s better rice dishes. Perfect for putting more of those fancy sauces on. Why do I like those sauces so much? Probably all the salt and chemicals, huh? This meal also gets three out of five stars.
Wednesday:
We haven’t had a burger day in a while, but here it comes! For those who complain about the beef burgers, I highly recommend the turkey burger. It’s usually pretty moist, and very enjoyable. We haven’t had a burger day in while, so I’m pretty psyched. Also: PICKLES! Four stars!
Thursday:
Chicken Francaise and rigatoni marinara. I don’t love it, but I also don’t hate it. It leaves me full until at least 4pm. Three stars.
Friday:
Sandwiches. Preferable to pizza for most, but I am getting pretty sick of my turkey and cheese. I just wish they offered more cheese-based options! Sometimes my life really does parallel Liz Lemon’s.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this week’s menu pretty much sucks. We start the week on a mediocre note, and then slide off into the abyss.
Today is chicken marsala. OK, it’s not the worst -but it’s not fantastic, either. Prediction: Green Beans Almondine will be brown.
Tomorrow is where things start to get ugly. Hanger steak. You’d think it couldn’t get worse, but just wait for Wednesday and Thursday. Prediction: the saving grace of this meal is the mashed potato bar. Bacon bits, sour cream and chives will be by the water cooler.
Wednesday is blackened catfish. And none of the sides are appealing, either. Prediction: Can we go to the Christmas market again and have those delicious tacos? Yummmm.
Thursday is veal meatloaf. Baby cows are crying. It becomes obvious that Scrooge designed this week’s menu. Prediction: load up on those buttered egg noodles!
Friday is pizza day. Only one week left to the holiday party!
